chemistry (a very delayed part 2)

•August 3, 2010 • 5 Comments

in case ANYONE is still reading my blog that i have abandoned this summer. . .here is the conclusion to the story that i started a while backūüôā

i couldn’t believe my luck. ¬†the cute guy from the plane showing up was something out of a romantic comedy and that kind of thing NEVER happens to me. ¬†he was on his own and headed toward the bar where i was standing with my misfit family members and stoner kids from seattle. ¬†the hippies from Eugene asked me why i was blushing all of a sudden and i quickly updated them on the situation.

rainbow-dreadlocks, squealed and immediately ran up to the guy. ¬†he looked in my direction, smiled and nodded his head a lot and then joined our group. ¬†within a minute he had replenished all of our drinks and met all of my random companions. ¬†3 or 4 Abitas later and i was in love with the cute guy from my flight. ¬†he had somehow managed to get me drunk, charm the pants off of my family and carry on a conversation with me that made me feel like i was the only woman in the world. ¬†the cute guy from my flight wasn’t only good looking, but smart, funny, witty and interesting. ¬†amazing. ¬†he works for HBO. ¬†he is a PRODUCER. ¬†i checked out his credentials on their website. ¬†he wasn’t making anything up.

drinks led to dancing and all of a sudden it is 1am. ¬†(note – in Seattle, noone stays out until 1am and if you are in your 3os, dancing rarely happens). ¬†my cousin, the bride, was ready to go home and get some beauty rest. ¬†i, along with the producer and the hippies from Eugene were just getting going. ¬†he invited us out to a reggae club where a friend of his spins records (or something like that. .. i was pretty ham-hocked by this point and don’t remember things super clearly). ¬†my cousin, the bride, hugged us all goodbye and very sweetly invited the producer to the wedding. he is pretty sure he can’t make it but he would love to hang out again.

after a confusing taxi ride, dancing and drinking continued at the reggae club. ¬†i’m not sure if we started making out in the taxi first, or at the reggae club, but at some point we started and didn’t want to stop. ¬†he asked if i wanted to come back to the apartment where he was staying. ¬†i said of course i did. ¬†another confusing taxi ride later and i’m in the living room of someone’s apartment and it’s like ‘college girls gone wild – spring break New Orleans’ which is completely ridiculous. ¬†i’m a fairly conservative kindergarten teacher. ¬†we fool around in the living room and at some point i ask whose apartment are we at and he mentions that it is the apartment of a film producer who is working on a project with the group of actors who starred in the Hangover. ¬† no shit.

THEN it is time for me to go home and i realize that it is 4 or 5am and i need to show up at the hotel at some point because i’m staying with my parents. ¬†MY ¬†PARENTS.

at some point there is light and my mom is tapping on me, trying to wake me up.  she is armed with coffee, mineral water, alka seltzer, eye drops and ibuprofen.  best mom in the world.  she tells me i need to report to my hair and make- up appointment at Starlight Salon in the Garden District in less than an hour and asks why on earth i stumbled back to the hotel so late.

i pull myself together enough to meet up with my cousin, the bride, at the salon not looking TOO ridiculously hungover (thanks for the eye drops mom!) and spend the next few hours getting gussied up southern style (read: too much make-up and a tacky up-do) and don’t give a thought to the producer. ¬†finally at some point my cousin mentions him and asks if he’s coming to the wedding and i don’t know but when i check my phone i’ve got 6 texts from him!

chemistry ‚Äď part¬†1

•June 6, 2010 • 7 Comments

the last couple months i’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from dating and in extension of that, writing about dating.¬† i was getting frustrated going on dates and meeting folks that were nice enough and attractive enough but not really finding a connection with anyone.¬†

i had been on one such date just before my spring break in April.¬†we went to the Seattle Art museum to look at sculptures and it was fine and he was nice but there just wasn’t any spark.¬† we kissed at the end of our date and there was really just nothing. ¬†i was beginning to wonder if i was looking for something impossible.¬† maybe i was being too picky?¬† i couldn’t remember the last time i had found really fantastic instant chemistry with a date.

then i went to New Orleans for spring break.

about 10 days before¬†the break, i got a surprise phone call from a cousin of mine who lives in New Orleans.¬† her wedding (which i had already RSVP-ed ‘no’ to) was two weeks away and she had just had an enormous falling out with her maid-of-honor.¬† she was hoping i would book a plane ticket, purchase a ‘watermelon’ colored dress and be on a plane on time.¬† i told her i was broke.¬† she called her dad and asked him to buy me a ticket, and less than two weeks later i was on a flight, headed to Louisiana geared up with a hot-pink, silk, Polo – Ralph Lauren halter dress that I found at Nordstrom Rack for $18.

the wedding happened to fall the same weekend as a huge festival in the French Quarter, so hotel rooms were scarce.¬† my options for lodging were my cousins 2-bedroom condo where i would be¬†sharing space¬†with¬†my cousin, her fiance, their baby, 3 dogs and 3 groomsmen (early 20-somethings who smoke a lot of weed and play X-Box all day in their wife-beater tank tops) OR my parents hotel room on St. Charles Avenue (my mom was positive there would be room for me in their california king bed!).¬† i settled on my parents room when we found out that the room also had a sofa bed.¬† being 33 and staying on a sofa bed in your parents hotel room isn’t ideal, but i just couldn’t afford a $300/night hotel room for 4 days.¬† i felt very Bridget Jones.

my last-minute expedia flight had me on a route through Los Angeles and i had to be at the airport by 5am for my departure.  i slept through the first flight and practically sleep-walked my way onto Airbus A319 for the flight from Los Angeles to New Orleans.  i was nursing an enormous coffee i bought in the airport terminal when a good-looking guy caught my eye.  i was pleased when he sat down just across the aisle from me, one row back.  we made eye contact, he smiled.  and then the baby next to him started to scream.   the screaming never really stopped, so the cute guy on the plane put on his Bose sound proof headphones and closed his eyes.  in the chaos of deboarding the plane, i never had a chance to talk to him and lost sight of him as soon as we were in the airport.

 from the airport, i headed straight to the church for the wedding rehearsal and then was off to the rehearsal dinner, a lovely, catered dinner at a beautiful, restored, antebellum house.   i spent the next day sight-seeing, eating beignets and stomping around town with my mom and dad.  evening rolled around and my parents had dinner reservations.  i decided to stay back at the hotel to get ready for the bachelorette party. 

my cousin is one of those girls who doesn’t have a lot of girlfriends so the bachelorette party was actually just a small group of us heading out to a jazz club.¬† we were 7 altogether including me, my cousin, her uncle (a hippy from Oregon in his early 40s), his fianc√©e (another hippy from Oregon – with dreadlocks made of multi-colored yarn), and my cousin’s brother and best friends (all boys).¬† i wasn’t sure what to wear, but ended up getting pretty dressed up.

the jazz club we went to was actually a dive bar called Vaughan’s and we were there to see a legendary musician, Kermit Ruffins.¬† we arrived around 9pm, because apparently you have to be there early in order to get in, but Kermit wasn’t even playing until around midnight.¬† i was struggling to keep conversation going and feeling pretty worn out, when all of a sudden i noticed the cute guy from my flight walk into the bar.

(to be continued. . .)

Ghosts of Dates Past ‚Äď the New Yorker

•June 6, 2010 • 2 Comments

I went kayaking on Lake Union today (which if you’ve read the awesome Twilight series, you might have heard of, although Stephenie Meyer didn’t research it well and calls it *Union Lake* which I find reprehensible) and was reminded of a guy I dated a while back.

Two summers ago, I met a guy on match.com that I will refer to as the New Yorker (I have to preface this with the fact that I adore New York and I loved all of the folks I met last time I visited the city).¬† the New Yorker¬†moved to Seattle a few years ago for a teaching job.¬† On our first date, we went out to happy hour at a pub near both of our apartments and had a decent¬†conversation.¬† I found him intelligent and interesting and just a tiny bit¬†arrogant, but not in a bad way.¬† He did say one thing that bothered me though.¬† I mentioned living in a small town at one point, and how I was happy to be¬†living in the city (Seattle) again.¬† He looked at me and rolled his eyes a little and in said in a condascending¬†tone, “Teri, Seattle isnt a city” .¬† This should have been a clue that I would find more personality defects down the line, but I saw enough that I liked so when he suggested we go out again, I agreed.¬†

Date two was interesting.¬† We had plans to do something outside but it ended up pouring down rain¬†so we decided to stay indoors and play scrabble¬†instead.¬† This was my idea.¬†¬† He had asked me out both times, but I had planned both of the actual dates.¬† I have a lot of ideas so this didn’t really bother me.¬† The scrabble¬†was fun, he was a good match and beat me, but his¬†condascending¬†tone came up a couple of times.¬† He predicted he would beat me before we even started to play and described himself as a scrabble¬†strategy expert.¬† Vomit.¬† He offered to give me some pointers to make me more competitive.¬† I am both smart and competitive and was offended by his arrogance.

Why I agreed to go out with him a third time I can’t really remember.¬†¬† Again, he didn’t really have any ideas about what we could do so I suggested kayaking and dinner at Agua Verde a cafe/paddle club.¬† We met up at the dock and walked up to the counter to ask for our kayaks.¬† The dude who runs the kayak shop asked us if we wanted singles or a double, and my date asked for a double.¬† I preferred singles and kayaking was MY idea¬†but he didn’t even ask for my opinion.¬† Next we were asked¬†where we were paddling to, and my date, again without even glancing at me to see if I had an opinion, answered that we would be paddling to Gasworks Park.¬† I had planned to go the opposite direction and cruise around in the arboretum, but I decided I would go with the flow.¬†

So then we are on the dock and the guy helping us into the boat asks us who wants to steer and of course the New Yorker wants to be in control and steer.  I was a little put off by this, but again, let him take the lead.

It turns out that being stuck in a boat with someone is a great way to find out if you’re compatible.¬† My gut feeling that maybe I wasn’t compatible with this guy¬†was quickly confirmed once we paddled off into the sunset.¬† About 20 yards after pushing off from the dock the New Yorker asked me which pedal he needed to push to turn right.¬† Turns out he didn’t know how to steer a kayak.¬†¬†I was already irritated by the fact that he was being so controlling, but to find out he didn’t even have a clue what he was doing REALLY pissed me off.

We continued along, paddling through the canal and onto the lake.¬† About 2 minutes into the paddle, he started pointing out Seattle landmarks to me.¬† This was awfully rich, considering the fact that he had insulted Seattle on our first date and that I grew up in Seattle and know a lot more than him about everything we were looking at!¬† I reminded him of this fact, but I don’t think he heard me.¬† I think he just liked listening to himself talk.¬†

So then, when I was thinking the date couldn’t get much more miserable, a speed boat went by creating a wake that made the kayak rock.¬† He screamed like a little girl because he didn’t realize kayaks were so unstable.¬† Isnapped that if he had let me steer, I would have known how to control the boat better and we wouldn’t be rocking so much.¬† In response to this he decided to sulk and give me the silent treatment.¬†

I was irate at this point and decided to give the boat a little rock on purpose.¬† I knew we wouldn’t tip, but I was hoping he would scream like a girl again, purely for my own amusement.¬† As soon as I rocked the boat, he screamed at me and couldn’t believe I had done something on purpose that I knew would scare him.¬† He then proceeded to take his paddle and splash me a couple of times, soaking me to the skin.¬†¬† I couldn’t believe I was on a date with a grown man who had first sulked and then thrown a full scale temper tantrum.

Eventually we made it back to the dock and turned in our kayak.¬† He looked at me like nothing had happened and innocently asked if¬†I would like to get dinner.¬† I told him that no, I would not like to get dinner since sitting around in wet pants eating tacos didn’t really sound like fun.¬† He offered to drive me home.¬† I told him I wanted to walk.¬† And I never went out with the New Yorker again.

The Dog Lover

•April 6, 2010 • 5 Comments

A few weeks ago, I started emailing the dog lover on match.com.  He seemed nice enough, outdoorsy, pretty cute.  He moved here from Montana a few months ago and is excited to get out and meet folks.

Around our 2nd or 3rd email, he asked if I wanted to take a day trip with him.¬† His idea was to take our bikes on a ferry out to Vashon¬†island (a beautiful island, just 30 minutes away from Seattle!) and go for a ride to the beach, and then maybe go out to dinner.¬† I LOVED this idea, but emailed back saying that it seemed¬†a bit intense¬†for a first date.¬†¬† As a general rule, i’d prefer to not be stuck on an island with a dude until I know we don’t hate each other in person.

He came back with a second option, a dayhike¬†closer to town¬†– with our dogs! and then go out for beers and food after.¬† I have to give this guy credit for trying, especially since all of the guys i’ve been out with lately have been complete duds without an interesting idea to save his life, but this still seemed a little intense.¬† I emailed back and said, that it sounded fun, but maybe we could just do happy hour instead and then if it’s going well move on to dinner or a walk.¬†

The dog lover¬†emailed back and suggested we meet at Norm’s, a dog friendly establishment, so that we could still include the dogs (?!).¬† I emailed back again and said that really, I wasn’t keen on bringing my dog with me on a first date.¬† I have a wonderful dog.¬† Her name is Sasha, and she is darling and friendly (in fact. . .you can see here here at sashathewonderdog.blogspot.com) , but a dog?¬† on a first date?¬† a dog blind date?¬† I’m not on dogmatch.com!¬† Good grief!¬† He responded saying no worries, but that he was still planning on bringing his dog along on the date.¬†¬†

So, I met the dog lover at Norm’s (dog friendly) pub, and guess what?¬† He didn’t bring his dog!¬† But, everyone else in the bar did have a dog with them!¬† And a lot of those dogs were yappy¬†and loud.¬† In fact, there was a whippet¬†at the table next to me that kept sniffing around on my leg and whining and barking at a decibal I thought would make me go deaf.

The dog lover was nice enough.¬† He was as cute as in his pictures.¬† There wasn’t much of an intellectual connection, but at least he is active and likes to get out and do things.¬†¬† No second date was planned and I wasn’t disappointed.¬†¬†My dog doesn’t need a new playmate.

•March 21, 2010 • 1 Comment

I got back on match.com this weekend.¬† I haven’t been out on any dates in the last couple of weeks and decided it was time to get going again.¬† I had a little housekeeping to do because there were quite a few emails, new and old that I needed to either respond to or delete.

Anyway – I feel like after just a couple of months I’m¬†already feeling jaded about the whole thing.¬† One dude sent me a harmless email.¬† Something about being drawn to my passion for travel and teaching.¬† Seemed nice enough.¬† In the photo he looks average.¬† A little bit balding, maybe a bit of gut, but honestly, those things don’t bother me.¬†¬† Then I dug a little deeper in his profile and was kind of turned off.¬† His “about my date” section was absurd.¬† He indicated that ‘his date’ should be no shorter than 5’5¬†and no taller than 5’11.¬† Acceptable body types are ‘slender or athletic and toned’, AND his date should earn at least $75,000 a year and it would be better if his date preferred classics and historic fiction to TV!¬† good grief!¬† This coming from a balding 40-year-old dude?¬† Are you kidding?

Anyway – for some reason it really irritated me and I replied with a pretty bitch email saying that I didn’t think I was up to his standards because I am a poor teacher who enjoys watching America’s Next Top Model and drinking beer, which means that I have a little extra fluff around the midsection.¬† We’ll see if he responds.¬† Maybe I need to wait another week or two.¬† It isn’t a good sign when you are angry at people you have never met :S

In the meantime there were emails from a couple of cute, unpretentious types who didn’t seem to mind if I didn’t way 108 lbs. and make a 6-figure salary, so maybe I’ll have some dates to report on soon!

Really?

•March 16, 2010 • 6 Comments

I received a lovely email today.¬† I’ve actually gotten a few of these before.¬† Some older gentleman emails with an attractive subject line like “Looking for a fertile woman to have my baby” or “Ready to find a wife who will cook for me!”.¬† This one was a real gem.¬† He’s offering me marriage AND a trip to Europe!¬† Wheeeee!

to find a wife!

Hi,how are you doing?
I am honest, educated, intelligent, smart European man living in Europe. Because I’m busy with my work, I don’t have much time to meet a woman that interests me.¬† I have big dreams which lead me to believe that anything is possible if you really desire to accomplish those dreams….making them a reality. The character of a woman outweighs money, status, and power at the end of the day.¬† How about a coffee in EUROPE? My dream is to find a wife!
Soon ,XXXXX
 
Really?¬† I mean, should I email him and say, “yes, i’d love to meet you for a coffee in Europe”.¬† What are these dudes after?¬† Isn’t there a website where you can order a bride in the mail?
 
At least if I run into my ex-boyfriend I can say that i’ve got someone interested in marrying me.¬†ūüėČ
 
 

A Real Man

•March 13, 2010 • 2 Comments

My third graders turned in book reports this week.¬† I had them make dioramas.¬† I’m sure you all remember making these.¬† A shoebox, possibly painted or covered in wrapping paper or craft paper that you filled with random objects or cardboard people, that recreated a scene from the book you read.¬†

Highest marks go to a girl in my class who did her book report on Little House on the Prairie.¬† Here is a photo of it in all it’s glory:

First of all, extra credit to my student for using a Ken doll as “Pa” and not bothering to dress him in a shirt.¬†

If you turn the shoe box around there are descriptions of the main characters, setting and plot of the story.  Here is how she describes Pa.

Charles (Pa) is a real man.  He takes care of his family and he cut down trees to build their house.  He knows how to hunt and play the fiddle and he tells Laura and Mary good stories.  He works hard and is good and kind.

I have been on about a million dates since the new year, and I’m pretty sure none of them have been with a real man.¬†¬† Most of them were nice guys, but all of them have lacked a certain something.¬† I am not looking for someone perfect, but so far match.com has produced the¬† most mediocre bunch of dudes you¬†can imagine.¬†

I don’t think my standards are so high.¬† I don’t mind if a guy doesn’t look like Brad Pitt.¬†¬†I often find¬†guys¬†very attractive if they are¬†funny, smart, compassionate or dynamic.¬† It seems like lately the guys I’ve been out with have been lacking in all areas.¬† They aren’t especially good-looking, smart, emotionally stable,funny or dynamic or really anything I can latch on to.¬† None of them come close to being a good guy like Pa who is all of those things and handy and resourceful to boot.

I’ve been taking a break from match.com because of being overloaded at work, but things are slowing down and i’m ready to jump back into the game.¬† Here’s hoping the universe sends some real men my way soon.¬† I am totally over going on first dates with mediocre guys.

 
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