The Bad Beginning

A couple of months ago I broke up with a man I will call Ex-BoyfriendEx-Boyfriend and I first got together in 2004 and had a blissful romance that included making out at the office, road trips, bonding time with each other’s families, hours spent gazing at each other and worshiping each other, amazing sexual chemistry, international travel and the kind of conversations that go on for days.  Our first break up in 2005 was as intense as our relationship.  He wasn’t ready to commit and was unsettled about what he wanted from life in general.  My heart was broken and it took me a long time to pick it up and move on with my life.

Fast forward  four years filled with a lot of dates (good, bad and ugly), short term relationships, and way too many random interludes with Ex-Boyfriend, all of which amounted to nothing aside from a bruised heart and a disbelief that a good relationship would ever find me.  Last year in February, Ex-Boyfriend came back to me, pursued me and somewhow worked his way back into my affections.  I thought things were different, I thought he had grown up, I had visions of our relationship turning into something strong and lasting.  Turns out I was wrong, and in October, we broke up (again!).  I was heart broken again, and even more devastated when I found out he had moved on to a new girlfriend about 3 days after our break up (which was incidentally right around my birthday – holidays are way too high pressure for commitmenphobes!).

After a couple months of wallowing, I am ready to move on.  I deserve someone better.  That said, it occured to me that my dating/relationship practices need an overhaul.  While it is true that I haven’t been dating the right folks, there must be something I am doing that contributes to being unsuccessful in my romantic relationships.  With that in mind, I am wiping the slate clean and attempting to break out of my old patterns.  I am getting help from good friends and a book called Love in 90 Days, by Dr. Diana Kirschner  ( .  I am not sure yet how I feel about the entire program, but I figure it is somewhere to start!


~ by cleanslate2010 on December 31, 2009.

2 Responses to “The Bad Beginning”

  1. Cheers to breaking old bad patterns! I need to work on that in my dating life too…too many flakey chumps! 🙂

  2. one thing i’ve done, sort of as a way to gauge what i’m ‘putting out there’ (since we have no way of really knowing) is to do one of those dating website personality tests. i did the one on and it was kind of fun to see how they summarized me and it was a little more telling than the stoopid cosmo quizes.

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