time to move on?

i’ve been emailing with an adorable guy on match.com.  in his photos, he looks like a young Paul McCartney.  he is charming and witty and has an adorable dog, that looks like it would get along well with my dog.   we’ve been emailing for a couple of weeks now and i always look forward to reading his emails. 

there is one problem.  he hasn’t asked me to meet yet.  there is such a thing as asking someone too soon.  for example, a while back, one guy sent me an email asking me to meet, even though we had never emailed or spoken on the phone.  that is too soon.  a little back and forth banter via match.com or email gives me at least an idea of who someone is and whether or not there might be chemistry between us. 

on the other hand, i don’t want to email back and forth for months and then meet the guy and find out there is nothing there.  i’ve done that before.  (read more about that here)

so do I ask him if he wants to meet up?  my Love In 90 Days book says that i should let the men do the asking, and i agree with this idea in general.  on the other hand, if i don’t ask him to meet up, do i just stop replying to his emails?  or email him and tell him i’m not interested in being a pen pal?  that seems completely awkward.  when did dating get so complicated?  tell me what you think!

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~ by cleanslate2010 on January 20, 2010.

6 Responses to “time to move on?”

  1. I would wait to respond to an email, maybe later in the day or wait a day. It sounds like playing games, but the whole point of match.com is to meet someone. If you wanted a pen pal I’m sure there is some other website you should be on. Either he’ll see that he’s not being made top priority and will do something about it or he’ll move on. I could be wrong, I just don’t believe in putting too much energy into an online relationship since you don’t really know how things are going to go until you meet face to face.

  2. I am SO going to be late to school this morning–I couldn’t stop reading! Anyway, I kind of think that you should just ask, in a really straightforward way. Something like: “Would you like to meet up for a beer on Thursday?” Then the answer is either yes or no and you can meet or…move on with your life. Gotta be in it to win it.

  3. I agree with Tara — just put it out there.

    One reason he might not be asking you out yet (and this is SO common in online dating) — maybe he’s just juggling too many women and hasn’t had time to meet you yet — but he’s keeping you in reserve.

    But hey, give it a shot!

    • good point, Loverville! funny thing, i just ended up with too many dates for next week to know what to do with, so i suppose instead of asking him out, i’m going to put HIM in reserve. the timing will work out at some point, and otherwise, i suppose he’s not my new boyfriend!

  4. I would skip the asking out…the only reason I say this is because, hello you are on a freaking internet dating site, you did not check looking for friends, you did not join ilikemountainclimbingandpenpals.com. You joined match.com and the point is to meet people to date, if he is keeping you in reserve, then skip it since clearly his priorities are elsewhere which it too bad because he could have asked out a really cool chick.

    Or it could be that while he seems really cool and normal online and over email. However, he is hesitant because his girlfriend of two years just died two months ago when she was hit by a car and he is trying to get out there because people told him he needs to move on. So he signs up for match and gets pen pals. When you finally get sick of the emailing and ask him out he spends your two hour date crying while you horrified console him and try to find an exit strategy. That would be the last time I ever asked a guy out……..oh and the second time I connected with someone on match who had a recently dead girlfriend.

    • i ended up getting 4 emails last night, all asking me out on dates, so now i’m too busy to go out with him, so there you go! if he gets around to asking me out, maybe i’ll be free.

      p.s. maybe you should write a blog. your comment cracked me up 🙂

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