sometimes you just can’t win. . .

•March 9, 2010 • 10 Comments

So, the cute guy I went out with last week and I were trying to make plans to go out again.  I emailed him to confirm plans, and I hadn’t heard back from him.  I was thinking he wasn’t as into it as I thought originally.  This evening I received this email from him:

Hey Teri, it was really good to meet you too.
I have to be honest and say that I think we may be mis-matched. This has nothing to do with whether I like you personally or not. Actually I like you a lot.
I am told I am laid back all the time, but the reality is that I am only comfortable when I am in control, and you are too confident and emotionally mature for me to be in a relationship with as strange as that sounds.
Actually, I should probably be in therapy before I go dating people.
XXXXXXX

Oh well. . .if he thinks he needs therapy, he probably does, and I suppose i’m better off without him.  Nonetheless, he was one of the few first dates where I felt a connection, so i’m a little disappointed.  I was surprised that he described me as too confident and emotionally mature, because I don’t consider myself either when it comes to dating.   Anyway – i’ve been lazy about match.com lately, but I think it’s time to start searching again.

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The Hideout

•March 5, 2010 • 2 Comments

I went out for beers tonight with a guy from match.com.  We’ve been trying to schedule a date for a couple of weeks now, and finally made it happen.  He suggested the place, a cozy, dark bar called The Hideout that serves up good cocktails, not too far from my place.  We got inside, he bought us a round of drinks and we settled in at a table.  He is cute and conversation was good right from the start.  I was excited to finally be on a GOOD first date.

THEN, I hear my name and turn and look and standing in front of me is the first boyfriend I ever had from 6th grade, except that instead of being an awkward pre-teen, he is HOT now.  We became Facebook friends last year and have been interacting online, but I hadn’t seen him in person since high school!  Fifteen years ago! 

It turns out he is staying at his parents for awhile, helping them with some house projects.  He is a climbing guide and moves around a lot during the year, so he is just here for a visit.  Interestingly enough, i’m housesitting for MY parents this weekend, who live less than a half-mile away from his parents, so we reminisced about the old days for a few minutes and then made plans to get together and climb over the weekend. 

And all the while, my very cute, polite, interesting date was just sitting there.  AWKWARD.  6th Grade Boyfriend wandered off to hang out with his friends and I refocused my energy on my date.  The rest of the evening was great.  Good conversation, lots of giggling and plans to get together next week!

A second date with a nice guy AND a plans with a super hot old flame?   Definitely one of the more successful first dates I’ve had in recent times!!

writer’s block

•March 2, 2010 • 1 Comment

for the last two weeks i have been meaning to update.  i have a list of topics i’ve been meaning to write about (my date with the Fullbright Scholar from NY! , discussions of tragic greek romance i’ve been having with my 3rd graders and my brother-in-law’s attempt to enroll me in CatholicMatch.com).  sadly though, the only writing i have been doing lately is for school.

it is report card season and i am buried up to my eyeballs, trying to write out personalized narrative comments for all 45 of my students (i team teach, so i have more than one class to account for).  teaching is a bit like being a student, and report card season is like finals.  report cards are due tomorrow so i should be emerging from this haze soon, and be able to write again.

Ghosts of Dates Past – Meeting the Parents

•February 16, 2010 • 2 Comments

I’ve been obsessively watching the Olympics the last few days.  Watching the skiing events in Whistler, reminds me of the only time I’ve been to Whistler. 

Back in twenties, my boyfriend at the time  invited me there for a weekend with his family.  I was very excited.  I hadn’t met his family yet but I had heard a lot about them.   We were going to drive up on our own, and meet them at the condo. 

We got off to a late start after work on Friday, and by the time we made it into Canada it was getting really late.  We snuck into the condo and headed into our room.  We were staying in the kids room; the one with two twin beds.  Being in our 20s and in a fairly new relationship, we weren’t about to sleep in separate beds, so we stripped down to our underwear and jumped into one of the beds. 

I am not a morning person.  I can get up early if I need to, but I don’t like talking to anyone until I’ve had a hot cup of coffee.   That said, I was NOT happy when around 7:30am, I was forced out of my deep sleep when my boyfriend’s mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law, burst into the room, jumped on the bed and started tickling us.  TICKLING US!  I was in my underwear!  I was very awkwardly trying to pull the sheet up under my chin and was horrified when my boyfriend started laughing and jumped into the tickle fight.

Apparently, this was my boyfriend’s family tradition.  If you were the last one asleep, the family would come in and tickle you to wake you up.   I had the opportunity to clue my boyfriend in on how I felt, when we were off on our own later that day.  He didn’t understand why I was bothered.  Maybe because he should have warned me?  Maybe because I would have slept in a different bed?  Maybe because I would have probably worn actual pajamas if I knew his family was going to join us in bed in the morning?   My boyfriend at the time really was a bit clueless and inexperienced so I really don’t think it occurred to him to tell me.  After my screaming fit, I imagine he hasn’t made the same mistake again with other girlfriends. 

To date, that is the most awkward “meet the family” situation I have ever had.   I will never sleep in my underwear at a boyfriend’s parent’s house again!

A Second Date!

•February 15, 2010 • 4 Comments

It finally happened.  I went on a second date.  There may even be a 3rd in the works, although, honestly, I’m not that enamored with the guy.   Here is why.

Date #1Prep-school Teacher and I met up for tea at a chic little café he suggested:

(photo fromhttp://kevin-guerin.com/pleaseblowmymind/)

I was impressed with the location suggestion, especially since it is only 3 blocks from my apartment.   So we met, we had tea, we talked.  He is cute in a nerdy sort of way and very smart.   He seemed a bit on the serious side, but a sense of humor was beginning to emerge toward the end of our conversation. 

I was feeling completely ambivalent about him, until, just as we were getting ready to go, he asked me very directly, “would you like to go out again later this week?”.  All of a sudden my interest was piqued.  Too many men throw out invites that sound like this (especially here in Seattle where passive-agressiveness is a way of life), “We could hang out again or something maybe if you think or we don’t have to or I could call you or maybe we could text or something”.   We agreed on a time, I suggested a place and that was that.  No wondering if he would call, or if I should call, or if I even cared if he called etc.

Date #2:  We met up for dinner at a restaurant, also just a few blocks from my apartment (what can I say, I’m lazy).  We ordered food and beers.  He dressed up a bit which I thought was nice.  We talked.  We ate good food.  We ordered a second drink and talked some more.  The server dropped off our check.  We continued nursing our beers.   When it was getting late, I mentioned that I needed to head home and get to bed (I can’t stay out late on school nights).   I jumped up and used the restroom.  

I was hoping he would take some initiative with the check, but when I returned it was still lying there untouched.  He got up to use the restroom.  I didn’t touch the check.  He came back and finished his beer.  Finally, a couple minutes after our beers were gone and I was sitting there chewing on the ice cubes left in my water-glass, I said, “well, should we just split up the tab?”   I don’t mind paying my share of a check, but I was irritated that he was just sitting there waiting for me to deal with it.   We finally squared it away and said good night. 

I texted him the next day to say thank you for meeting up.  Besides the awkward bit with the check at the end, it had been a nice evening.  Anyway – he called me on Saturday and left a message saying he got my text and would love to go out again.  I think he thought my text was an invitation for a date.  He asked me to call back and let him know what I had in mind.  Apparently my communication skills aren’t as good as I think.  The only reason I was interested in a 2nd date, was that he was so direct about asking me out and all of our communication since then has been impossibly indirect.  Good grief.  I need to call him back today.  I didn’t want to call him on Valentine’s Day.  I don’t feel like putting a lot of effort into planning a date with a guy I am not even sure if I am very interested in.   We’ll see what happens :S

In other news, I have a date with a Professor from New York on Tuesday.  He is here on sabbatical for the year, and is probably going back to NY in September.  I’m excited to meet him.  He suggested happy hour at a bar I’ve never been to downtown.  He is a bit older (40!) and his emails have been witty and smart. 

 

Ghosts of Dates Past – The Formal

•February 7, 2010 • 2 Comments

Cute artist and I had been dancing around each other for weeks.  We had stayed up late together; drinking beer, watching movies, snuggling on the couch and talking until the wee hours.  One night we were at his apartment, sharing a bottle of wine and playing ping-pong.  We weren’t officially dating at this point, but  the flirtation had been constant and our friendship seemed to border on a romantic relationship.  I was just drunk enough to ask him to be my date to my school’s annual black tie auction.   He agreed and I was excited we had an official date planned. 

He called and texted a lot in the days leading up to the event.  Should he wear a suit or a tux?  Did I want him to drive?  Would we be having the beef or the seafood entrée?  I purchased an adorable, black cocktail dress and some new high heels.  The day of the event, I went to my favorite stylist for a hair cut and a style.  My stylist through in a make-up application for free.  I borrowed some jewelry and a great handbag from a friend.  I looked good.  I was ready.

Cute artist showed up exactly on time to pick me up.   He opened the car door for me and the date got off to a fantastic start.  The auction was held at a museum in Seattle and we had a brilliant time walking around, sipping expensive champagne.   We were surrounded by people, but it felt like we were the only two in the room. 

For dinner, we joined a group of my friends who were already seated at our table.  All of them knew that this was my first “official” date with the cute artist.  At one point he left to use the restroom and my female co-workers all gushed “he is adorable!  he is so into you!  he can’t take his eyes off you!”.  I was ecstatic.   Dinner included three full courses and a lot of wine.   Before your wine glass was half empty, someone had refilled it.  I would have been content to sit and sip wine and talk to him for days.

A couple of hours and several glasses of wine later, it was time to go.  Cute artist went to get his car and we drove home.  When we got to my apartment, cute artist made a show of walking around the car to open my door.  I don’t know if he kissed me, or I kissed him, but we began making out right there in the street.  I was getting ready to ask him in when all of a sudden he pulled back.

“I can’t do this anymore.  There’s something I haven’t told you!  I have a long distance girlfriend on the East Coast.”

I was floored.  Weeks of flirting and this had never come up?  Really?  Without a glance back at him, I walked up the stairs to my apartment, walked in, and slammed the door behind me.  We stopped spending time together after that.  I found out a while after that the East Coast girlfriend had dumped him.  I wasn’t surprised.

It’s A Small World

•February 3, 2010 • 1 Comment

Oh, the horror.  I was just searching match.com to see if anyone new or interesting was online, and who shows up but my team teacher.  (Please note:  if any of you from my work who read this ever mention this out loud to anyone but me, I will never speak to you again!)

Running into folks you know on an online dating site is awkward.   I know there is no need to be embarassed.  Everyone and their brother has or is online dating these days.  Nonetheless, I always feel weird about it.  It is especially awkward when you run into someone you work with.  Seattle isn’t such a small city, but you would be surprised how often this happens.  Here are a couple of folks I have had awkward online run-ins with:

My student’s dad  Back in the day when I was a student teacher, I was living in a small town called Bellingham, located about an hour north of Seattle.  Besides student teaching, I was waitressing at a brewery, so I should have known that I would mostly just run into folks that I saw drunk at my bar most nights.  Instead of seeing dudes from the brewery online though, I ended up getting winked at by the dad of one of my students.  Not only was he the dad of a kid in my class, but he lived about 5 doors down.  I wasn’t into him, but the fact that he winked at me on match.com instead of just approaching me and saying ‘hello’  in person was a huge turn off.   I ignored his wink and pretended I had never seen his profile.   The parent-teacher conference with him, me, his ex-wife and my grumpy host teacher was just as awkward as you can imagine.

My socially awkward co-worker that I thought was gay:  A few years back, someone talked me into trying eHarmony.  I officially hate eHarmony these days, but at the time I was optimistic.   I spent hours taking personality tests, uploading photos and setting up my profile.  I was going to meet the man I was going to marry!  But then eHarmony sent me my first batch of matches (you aren’t allowed to search eHarmony, just interact with folks they send you) and there at the top of the list was an old-coworker.  He wasn’t just any old co-worker.  We had worked together for 2 years at a non-profit.  Our office was tiny and arranged so that the four of us sharing a space all faced one another.  My socially awkward co-worker was a nice guy, but had an intense, serious personality that didn’t mesh particularly well with my witty, open and carefree personality.  He was living in some shared housing near the University and spent most of his time with a special “friend” that we all presumed was his boyfriend.  He was the LAST person I would ever match myself with, in a million years.   Just like  with my student’s dad, I pretended I had never seen his profile and appreciated the fact that he never mentioned mine. 

Hopefully my team teacher hasn’t seen my profile.  Although he is a nice guy and I get along with him professionally, he is NOT what I am looking for romantically. 

Anyway – that’s all for now.  I will update again soon!